ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
