you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
