I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
