I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
