all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
operation have a gay friend backfired
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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