it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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