i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize