You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
