Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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