Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
