the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
