I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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