everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
