I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
