Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize