you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
