just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
