Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
