Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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