he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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