So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
