I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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