Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize