Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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