I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize