Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
