This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize