She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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