Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
