she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
