You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
