Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
