Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I did not marry a roomba.
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