It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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