Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
