drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
