I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
