I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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