her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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