i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
