Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
