he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
