I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
