I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
