under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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