carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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