This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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