He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize