I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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