Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
