Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
