Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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