If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
