Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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