I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
