I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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