Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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