I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
