Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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